VA Blog: "The Civilian-Veteran Survival Field Manual"
The VA has had a blog up for a few months, and it is really quite good, and I encourage you to read it. I am a huge fan (personally and professionally) of their lead blogger Alex Horton, formerly “Army of Dude.” I was all set not to like him, based solely on my uber-competitive nature and the fact we were competing for a Milblog award, and then I met him. Once we got to talking about the Brotherhood of the Blue Badge I was converted. Anyway, he’s doing great things over there, as evidenced in part by his post from yesterday:
Don’t: Be Cavalier with Questions
“Did you kill anyone?”
“Did any of your friends die?”
“Do you have PTSD?”
“Do you regret going there?”
The questions above make any Veteran cringe, and I’ve gotten them many times in the past from well-meaning but tragically unaware people. They are the primary reason I keep my service with some people a secret. It should be common sense to stay away from such flippant, offensive questioning, but our blood soaked culture doesn’t always allow for discreet and respectful questions distanced from the gore of combat. Yes, those things are true of some people who leave the service. No, it is not any of your business. If we want to talk about those things, we’ll bring it up. Until then, loud parties, bars and the break room are hardly appropriate venues to discuss violent death and the philosophy of war.
Do: Try To Learn Something
For the most part, I’m glad many people are curious about the military and my experiences, and I’m certain many Veterans, young and old, share my sentiment. But it seems silly in the information age to think women go to war without bringing a rifle, or that I must have deployed to Iran (as my first boss out of the Army thought). If you want to ask a Veteran about their experiences, start by learning the lingo, geography and history of where they served, be it in Vietnam, Kuwait or a German air base during the Cold War. It’s a little research that goes a long way in building appreciation and respect for your fellow countrymen and women.
Don’t: Assume Everyone Is Crippled With PTSD
Easily accessible information has a tragic downside: we consume it quickly without understanding complex problems and issues and the media is left to fill in the gaps. When people hear about post-traumatic stress in the news, they instantly believe it happens to everyone. These misguided beliefs don’t just affect personal relationships, but can also adversely impact the ability for Veterans to find employment. Managers who don’t understand PTSD might pass over a résumé with military credentials for the shortsighted concern about post-traumatic stress in the workplace. It’s true that many Veterans face challenges when they come back home, but it doesn’t help to treat Vets like broken souls and melancholic sad sacks. You might be surprised by our resilience.
Anyway, add VAntage Point to your favorites and give them a look-in from time to time.
Comments
Robert Ireland
February 28, 2011 - 1:02am
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Any Regrets?
Of all the insensitive questions asked of me about my combat service the one I least object to is the question about regrets. To me it indicates a real desire to attempt to open a meaningful dialog.
I usually point out that life comes with regrets and those without regrets aren't normal. However, I point out the my service to my country came with only two regrets; the first being many of my brothers did not return and the other is those at home openly mocked our efforts and this made me regret coming home. If the conversation goes on from that point I am happy to continue; if it doesn't it wasn't because I wasn't truthful.
When I returned from Vietnam I immediately understood in my own country I had become the enemy and went into bunker mode around most civilians for over two years. I maintained constant vigilance and my only two close friends were Jack Daniels and Old Grand Dad. I slowly adapted and found employment. This seemed to put things in order; I had a mission once again. I changed jobs several times over the years but always treated the new job, like the former one, as a mission requiring complete focus. This kept me going until my physical health gave out.
It was only recently that I discovered this "mission orientation" was part of my Combat PTSD symptoms. Thanks to the American Legion and the VA I received help in sorting things out and came to view those asking about regrets as sincere more than insensitive. Those asking questions like, "How many people did you kill?" I treat like the insensitive folks they are and move on. There once was a time I would have popped at these sort of questions and there are things that still set me into fire-mission mode. I'm still dealing with it, but I'll never regret serving my country and I'm more than happy to try to explain that to anyone that shows an interest.
Robert Ireland
February 28, 2011 - 1:06am
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However, I point out the my
However, I point out the my service to my country came with only two regrets
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Sorry, that should have read, However, I point out my service to my country came with only two regrets;
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